A Daily Dose of You

Give me a chance.

Another day of utter disappointment.

Do you know that feeling when you feel really mad at someone but then you just can’t seem to put your thoughts and feelings into words? Well, that’s how I feel right now. She’s hurting me so much. And she knows it. But I love her for it though…the way she can be honest with me about anything, even if it means she’ll hurt me. But somehow, I think it’s a little too much. I feel as if she’s taking me for granted…my being a FRIEND to her through all this crap we’re going through. Don’t get me wrong, I love her and I’m not asking anything in return. I mean, I can’t force her to love me if she doesn’t. But a little understanding and consideration will do. Don’t you think?

After what happened the other day, she told me that it should stop…WTF is wrong with it anyway? She started it, I mean, I’m not putting the blame on her or anything. But yeah, if she didn’t put her hand right next to mine I wouldn’t have been tempted to hold it. Much less, have the mushy staring-eye-to-eye moment with her. She told me she needs some time for herself. For what????? Have I gone beyond the line by HOLDING HER HAND? Since when was that a crime?

GAAAHH! It’s frustrating. :(

It’s killing me. What am I gonna do?

I spent time with her today.

We were at a friend’s house.

I lied down on the bed.

She lied down next to me.

We watched TV.

I felt cold, so I put a blanket over me, covered my body.

She slid herself in as well.

I felt her place her hand right next to me.

I held it in mine.

Our fingers intertwined.

I looked at her.

She looked at me.

It felt nice.

I felt funny inside again.

I smiled to myself.

We stayed there for a couple of hours.

Just holding hands.

I liked it.

Then we went home.

She hugged me and said goodbye.

She didn’t text message me after though, like she usually did.

I asked her what was wrong.

She said…

“I’m sorry for what I did earlier. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry for leading you on.”

It broke my heart.

It shattered me.

I wish I could let this go.

It was the first of April, and as you all know, it’s April Fools’ Day.

I was hanging out with my best friend, Jose, that day.

Out of nowhere, she text messaged me saying, “Jose asked me to hang out this week.”

“That’s good I said.”

I pretended I was okay with it.

But then I’ve been having this sick feeling that Jose liked her.

But he knew how much I like her and he’s my BEST FRIEND.

“Nawwwh.” I thought to myself.

But the feeling was still there though.

And it bothered me.

“Come with us.” She said.

“He didn’t ask me to come.” I answered.

“Tell him I asked you to come, it would be fun.”

“No, it’s okay. Really.”

“What’s wrong??”

“Nothing.”

“Tell me. Please?” she begged.

“I was right.”

“About what?”

“About Jose liking you.”

She didn’t reply right away when I said that.

I got worried.

I mean, she knows I like her. But she doesn’t know I’m IN LOVE with her.

Then…my phone beeped.

“I have to tell you something. I can’t hide it from you.” She said.

It scared the shit out of me.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Jose’s been texting me recently.”

“And??”

“And it’s been different lately. Really, really different.”

“Oh.”

That was all I could say.

My world crumbled down right before me.

And Jose, MY BEST FRIEND, was in the room.

I had this sick feeling.

I felt as if she tore my heart out and stepped on it over and over and over.

“I’m so so sorry.”

That was all she could say.

“It’s okay.”

GAAAHHH!!! I wanted to cry. Seriously. I mean, SERIOUSLY.

“Are you okay?” She asked.

Was I okay?? WAS I OKAY?? What a question.

I was mad. And jealous. I wanted to explode. :((

I didn’t reply.

I mean, what was I supposed to say,

“NO, I’M NOT OKAY. BECAUSE I’m HEELS OVE HEAD IN LOVE WITH YOU.”

My phone beeped again, I didn’t want to read it but I did anyway…

“Hey, that was a joke!:D”

GAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! I felt as if I fell from the sky.

I wanted to cry even more.

IMAGINE YOUR HEART BEING HIT AND CRUSHED BY A TRAIN.

THEN MULTIPLY IT TO A MILLION.

This woman is HEARTLESS!

But I couldn’t deny the fact that I felt relieved though.

I felt my cheeks blush.

Though I’m not sure if it was because I was mad as hell or relieved.

She sent follow up messages.

“Hey, don’t be mad. It was a joke. Jose asked me to do it.”

“I’m sorry, are you mad??”

I finally replied,

“That was a bad joke. A really bad joke.”

“I’m so sorry :( You’re really really mad?” She said.

I WAS FURIOUS.

“Go have fun telling my best friend you crushed me.” I said.

“Now, I feel like shit :( I’m really sorry.” She said.

I don’t know, but when she said that, it made me feel better a bit.

I felt her sincerity. And it made me feel funny inside. :)

BUT STILL. I FELT AWEFUL.

Ugh. I officially hate April Fools Day.

All thanks to the love of my life.

It’s hurting me too much, guys.

It sucks to mean nothing to someone who means the world to you. :(

Thank you for the follow! Followed you back :)

Thank you so much! I really hope it works out as well. And if it does, you guys will be the first to know. :D

It was a cold December day.

I went to the mall with a friend of ours.

She’s a really good friend of mine — and her best friend, actually.

Her name is Anna.

Anna and I have been friends since before SHE and I even met.

Anyway…Anna was bored, and asked me to go shopping with her.

So I did. (How unfortunate..I know.)

We decided to watch a movie afterwards.

Upon buying the movie tickets, SHE text messaged me.

She asked where I was and what I was doing.

I told her I was at the mall with Anna.

I asked Anna if it was okay if I asked her to come with us watch the movie.

Anna said it was fine, so I did.

She said she’d try to come.

When we got inside the movie house, she texted me again and said that she was coming.

I smiled to myself.

After about 30minutes, she arrived.

She was with Erica, another one of their friends.

So yeah…

I WAS THE THORN AMONG THE ROSES :|

Anyway…Erica sat a seat apart from me, to my left.

Anna was sitting next to me to my right.

Erica told HER to sit next to me.

I don’t know, I guess maybe she’s told Erica about her liking me. :D

She looked at me and I smiled at her.

It was cold in the movie house.

Erica and Anna had their jackets on.

She didnt have one, so I offered her my hoodie.

“What about you?”, she asked.

“I’m fine. You need it more than I do.” I said.

She smiled. And wore the hoodie.

She rested her head on my shoulder and hugged my arm.

It kinda shocked me though.

But I loved the smell of her hair.

I could recognize the perfume she was using.

It was the one I gave her one time…there was no occasion.

I just gave it to her just because. :)

My heart started to beat twice as fast.

Though, I’m not sure if she heard my heartbeat racing.

She slowly held my hand.

Our fingers intertwined.

At that moment, I knew, a part of her became mine.

You know that feeling? That you’re so sure of something?

Well, that’s how I felt. And it felt GREAT.

I never wanted to her to let go of my hand.

It felt nice. It made me feel all funny inside.

Her hands were soft and smooth, and I liked it.

“Your hands are cold,” She said.

“Well, it is kind of cold. But it’s okay though,” I tolde her, smiling.

She smiled back and hugged my arm even tighter.

It was sad that the movie had to end though.

BUMMER.

But our DATE didn’t end there though :D

We got some pizza and went to Anna’s place after the movie.

Just to hangout.

I sat on the couch when we got there.

Anna and Erica went to use the ladies’ room.

She, then, approached me and lied down with her head on my lap.

I played with her hair. It smelled really nice. It was HER smell.

She smiled at me, I smiled back.

When Anna and Erica came back, they gave each other THE LOOK.

She noticed it, too.

“Whaaat?” She said.

“Oh, nothing,” Anna said, smiling to herself.

I smiled to myself as well.

It was around 6:30pm when they decided to leave.

She and Erica had this family dinner to go to.

I offered to drive them home, it was getting late.

But she said her driver was already waiting outside.

She asked me to come, but I politely declined.

It was a family dinner, and well, I’m not family…YET :D loljk.

Anyway, Anna and I walked them to the front gate.

Anna and Erica hugged and said goodbye, Erica waved at me.

She said her goodbye to Anna.

Then, she turned to me and hugged me.

“Thank you for today,” She said, then she gave me a peck on the cheek. :”>

“You’re welcome.” I said, trying to keep myself together.

At that moment I knew, SHE WAS MINE THAT DAY.

*****

Oh, how I wish everyday would be just like that day.

But I’m just wishing…plain wishing.